Yesterday

I became vegan.

I love your depression and I love your double chin

If I had to define why I decided to go to school for architecture I wouldn't be able to. Why did anyone at the age of 17 or 18 decide what they wanted to spend 4-6 years of their lives concentrating on?

When I was in 7th grade my gifted and talented class had a section devoted to architecture. Why us and not the rest of the school? Why architecture? What were they learning while I learned about flying buttresses? Writing skills obviously.

So, 7th grade and architecture, what do I remember? Maybe that is what made me want to go to school for architecture. I remember flying buttresses and Frank Lloyd Wright. I remember building a really horrible straw tower. I remember that the 8th grader I was dating was a son of an architect. I think I decided in 7th grade that I was going to be an architect but I often told people I was going to be an archeologist.

In highschool I took some joke architecture class where we copied floor plans and made cookie cutter houses out of balsa wood. Once again the teacher only knew of Frank Lloyd Wright and we had to watch a video on him. Amazingly I still wanted to be an architect. I still don't think I knew what exactly an architect was.

So end of highschool I thought architecture was the following:

Flying Buttresses
Frank Lloyd Wright
Drafting
Floorplans
Foam Core Models
Balsa Wood Models
Wall Sections
Footings

Why after a list like that did I was I interested in architecture? Was I drawn to the act of creating something? Why the creation of architecture?

College has led me to a constant cycle of questioning and answering. I have been overwhelmed the last 4 years of my life. These semester has been the hardest yet with the most demanding classes and the past two days I haven't done anything. This is the most important time of the semester for me to be producing SOMETHING and so far I have eaten, watched a movie, and drank a mocha.

Have I figured out why I want to be an architect yet?

I know it's not because of Frank Lloyd Wright and Flying Buttresses.

Someone I know is obsessed with google. In fact he will be alerted of this update because of his love of google(reader).

I love him anyway.


Only crazies post pictures where it is evident in their eyes (and fake smile) that they really ARE crazy.

Plan

This semester I am going to scare myself.
I am never going to feel comfortable with my work.
I probably won't ever really feel like I have it under control.

will or want?

Is this what I want?

I don't know... but I might as well try and find out.

In the next 3 months I need to find myself again.

more

beCOMING more of mySELF and not what was WANTed of me

Gray

It's such a gray day.
Looks gray.
Feels gray.
It's gray.

Red Light Green Light

When I am scared I must act.
There is a reason fear is present...
I could either gain or lose.
What I gain is worth it,
If I lose, at least there was that chance.

I could have gained.

Enemy

I hold myself back.
I hold back.
I hold.
I.
I will.
I will myself.
I will myself back.




...change your view.

L Word

Love all or else it is impossible to love at all.
Love myself to let myself be loved.
But most importantly love myself.

Pause

When I was younger I thought that males could pause time.
I imagined them taking advantage of females and we didn't even know.
I was pretty young, so I don't imagine is was sexually taking advantage, but I have a feeling that it might have been. I know I imagined that they could see us showering.
Nothing that I can remember happened to me to make me think this...